Encourage One Another

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. - 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Over the past couple of weeks I have seen so many posts, articles, comments, etc. of moms very aggressively sharing their views on mothering.  While sharing these opinions in and of themselves is not wrong, the manner in which I have seen it is. I read verses like the one above and weep a little.  We are called to encourage one another and build each other up . . . but is that "just as in fact [we] are doing?"  When I read a post, especially one between Christian mothers, that leaves my stomach turning, not because of the advice or opinions, but because of the tone, words, and anger behind them, it hurts my heart.  I'm not the first to say all of this and I'm sure I won't be the last.  Being a mom is hard work!  We have so much to decide on - sleeping, eating, playtime, outdoor playing, screen time, music, education, even diapers for goodness sakes!  And each one of us will make those decisions.  We'll have opinions of why our choice is best and maybe are so convinced at how great our decision was that we want to share it with others.  No matter what decision we make, one thing is the same.  We want the best for our child.  We want them to feel loved, to succeed, to know the Lord, to see His work in our lives, to be healthy, to be encouraged . . . and the list goes on.

I don't know the perfect answer to all of these decisions for every mama in the world, but what I do know is this.  God gave me my son.  And He gave me to him.  I know him better than any other person on this planet.  I know my family better than any other person on this planet.  And God trusted me with them.  He gave me the ability to think and make decisions.  He taught me to trust Him and turn to Him when those decisions are hard.  He taught me to listen to Him and stand firm in obedience even when it didn't make sense to others (or even myself).  How God has led me to raise my children may not be the same as He led you, but know that it doesn't change my opinion of you and it will not change my support of you.  

Being a mama is hard, but you are doing a great job!  How do I know?  Because if you are following the Lord and calling on Him to help raise your child, you are making the best decisions (even the hard ones) and are leaning on the best Father there ever was or will be to give you wisdom.  He knows you and your child intimately, after all He formed your child in your womb (Psalm 139)!  He has plans for you and your child and His plans are good and are never thwarted (Jeremiah 29:11, Job 42:2).

My purpose in this post is to encourage mamas to remember how hard it is and rather than make those decisions harder for other mamas, encourage them.  Offer advice if it's asked for, but encourage whatever decision they make.  If you think they've made the wrong decision, pray that the Lord would lead them to a different decision, but ultimately trust that God will lead them in what is best for their child.  

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. - Hebrews 10:24-25

Nothing to Prove

This morning our pastor made a statement that really spoke to me.  He said -

"God approves of you.  You have nothing more to prove."

It seems so simple yet it is so incredibly powerful.  There is so much pressure to be "perfect" - clean house, well-behaved children, fit body, stylish wardrobe, healthy eating, ample finances, etc.  Truth is, trying to live out all of those expectations is exhausting and unrealistic.  It keeps us stressed, tense, and critical of others as we compare ourselves constantly to see if we've "met the mark."  When we realize that we are already fully approved by God, the task of "proving ourselves worthy" is complete and we experience REST - freedom from expectation.  We are able to sit back, spend time with God, learn more about how He created us (skills, gifts, and talents) and focus more on using the amazing, unique abilities He's given each of us.  And guess what!  When we work from a place of rest, out of the gifts He's given, we find JOY, PEACE, PURPOSE, and FULFILLMENT!

There's no special formula.  Nothing we have to do to get there.  We just have to realize it's already been done.  God looks at us and says, "My child, I love you and approve of you.  You will always be my child and I will always love you."  

Lord, let us rest in the knowledge that You love us and fully approve of us.  The work of being "good enough" is over because You have already fully accepted us.  Reveal to us the unique talents You've given us and help us explore them from a place of rest in a way that honors You.  Amen.

May the Name of the Lord be Praised!

Boy has it been a rough couple of weeks!  For those of you who don't know, we closed on our first home at the end of March and moved in April 1.  Let me preface all of this by saying we love our home.  The space inside, the beautiful yard, quiet neighborhood, and nice neighbors.  We prayed and prayed and prayed that God would lead us to the home He has for us in the area He desired us to be and we truly believe He did just that.  Then we moved in.  Within our first 2 weeks here I had three different plumbers out here trying to figure out why everything was backing up into our downstairs toilet.  They seemed to get it all straight and the next week we found a water spot on the ceiling just below the master bathroom . . . another plumber out to fix it.  Then we could breathe . . . for about 2 days before everything started backing up into the downstairs bathroom again.  Some more plumbers, digging up the yard, problem fixed.  In the meantime my computer died and took all of my files with it (sorry I don't have the Venezuelan Lasagna recipe for you - it was good), my car battery died in a parking garage after church one Sunday, and my phone got left of the back bumper of my car to be thrown out into the street in the middle of downtown to be returned later.  Phew!  It was a chaotic time around here and I was not reacting well.

We had a speaker a couple weeks ago at church that said something that stuck with me because I realized it's how I had been thinking.  He said some of us think God has forgotten our name and lost our address.  Just after hearing this my car battery died and my phone was lost.  I joked that I thought I had left a forwarding address for God when we moved, but it must have gotten lost.  It sounds funny, but at a deeper level that is what I was struggling with.  I started questioning if we had heard God correctly.  Had I done something wrong and was being punished?  Every day seemed to bring a new set up frustrations and I was not handling it well.  Finally I decided I needed some perspective so I turned to Job.  In the first chapter Job loses his livestock, servants, and all ten of his children.  Not only that but he is told back to back to back without a break between blows.  I experienced this on a very minuscule scale and my reaction was frustration, anger, and displacing those emotions on others.  So how did Job respond?

At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head.  Then he fell to the ground in worship and said:

'Naked I came from my mother's womb,

and naked I will depart.

The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;

may the name of the Lord be praised.'

In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.

~Job 1:20-22

Rather than get angry, yell, and curse God, Job recognized God's immense power.  He didn't question why all of this happened, but trusted that God had a plan.  And he worshipped!  Later on in chapter 2 Job's own wife tells him to curse God and die (Job 2:9) and Job again refuses, choosing to trust God's plan and sovereignty. 

Reading this brought a lot of conviction.  I was not handling these situations well and certainly was not trusting God's plan.  I repented and asked God to help me react to each situation in a way that would glorify Him.  In that moment I realized how much He had already stepped in with each problem and I hadn't thanked him.  With all of the plumbing issues we only had to pay the initial plumber to come out because the company that sold us the house decided to fix all of the issues at no charge to us - that almost never happens!  They didn't have any obligation to help, but they did.  When my computer died we were able to find another one at a very reasonable price the same day.  When my car battery died my parents just happened to be in town to help and there just happened to be a guy in the parking garage with jumper cables who was willing to let us hold him up to borrow them.  And when my phone flew off into the street downtown, someone picked up it, answered it, and waited for us to come pick it up.  Every one of those situations could have turned out very differently, but God did not forget my name.  He never lost my address.  He knew exactly where I was the entire time and was working on my behalf through it all.  It was me who lost sight of Him.  My perspective and focus became too much on the problem in front of me and not the Problem-Solver.  May I remember this lesson the next time we face difficulty and trust that He is in complete control.

Dinner and Prayer

Two posts in one day?  Yep, I'm rebellious like that!  I wanted to share something along the lines of reclaiming the table that we've been doing consistently in our house for the last several months.  For many years it has been on my heart to pray for different countries around the world.  I've approached this in many different ways with every attempt ending the same - slowly forgetting the habit until months later I realize I haven't prayed for another country in a long time.  Our solution?  Bring that country into more than just our prayer time.  This may work for you and it may not, but here's what we do:

Each week we have a "letter of the week."  (Our son is only 9 months old, but I want to get in the habit now of teaching him things along the way.)  Last week our letter was "U."  Whatever the letter I go to the Operation World website and find a country starting with that letter.  The next step is the most fun - that country goes up on our Menu board and I find a recipe from there that is as authentic as we can manage.  The results are so fun!  We see that country's name every day as a reminder to pray for them and we get to try new food.  I used to work at a place that taught me a lot about different parts of the world and I miss it.  I got to see first hand what it looked like to introduce very young children to different cultures, languages, foods, clothing, etc. and always loved how it taught children that not everyone will look or sound the same or even eat the same foods, but that we can love them and pray for them just the same.  And that is a lesson I think many of us need reminding of!

One part of this process I have found the most time consuming is finding the recipes.  I've gathered quite a few since we started and thought, if you're interested, I could save you a little bit of time by posting some of the recipes we've used.  Some have become absolute favorites (thank you Ecuador for your Chaulafan de Pollo!) and others give us practice in politely trying foods we aren't used to yet!  ;)  Here is the dish we made from Uganda:

Chickennat

This was a very hearty, warm dish.  The chicken and peanut butter over rice makes it very filling!

Ingredients:

One 2-3 pound chicken (we just used two chicken breasts)

1 tsp salt

1/2 tsp ground black pepper

1/2 cup butter

1/2 cup onion, chopped

1 pint (2 cups) chicken stock (I used bullion cubes dissolved in water)

3/4 cup peanut butter (we've found peanut butter in many of the African recipes we've tried)

1-2 egg yolks

Several sprigs of parsley, coarsely chopped (we used dried parsley)

Directions:

1. Rub the chicken pieces with salt and pepper.  

2. Melt butter in a large, heavy skillet or stew pot, and add the chicken and onions.  Cover and simmer over lowest heat, periodically adding stock until you have used it all.

3. After 15 minutes, remove half cup of the cooking liquid to thin the peanut butter. Add to the pot and bring to a boil.  (Times vary depending on how much chicken you used.)

4. Reduce heat and then whisk some of the hot stew liquid into the egg yolks.  Add to the pot and stir to incorporate the egg mixtrue into the stew.

5. Simmer gently until the chicken is done.  Be careful not to heat the stew about a simmer from this point.

6. Garnish with parsley and serve with rice or corn porridge.

Let me know if you try the recipe and what your family thought of it.  We're trying a recipe from Venezuela tomorrow!  I'll be sure to share it with you soon.  :)

Reclaiming the Table

Where does your family have dinner on any given night?  If you're anything like us the answer is probably on the couch in front of the TV.  By the end of the day around here we often find ourselves tired and ready to just sit back and relax.  Of course, in our minds, this means on the couch with a good show on while our son plays.  Makes sense, right?  I thought so too.  And then we were offered a challenge.  Our church did a series entitled "The Table."  They pointed out all the different instances of meals being served and eaten together in Scripture.  So many times Jesus met with people over a meal.  Even His final night before being arrested was spent over a meal (The Last Supper/Communion) with His disciples.  The New Testament gives many examples of disciples breaking bread together.  Meals are a time to come together and connect, build relationship, talk, and grow together.  It's not just about the food.  They told us this statistic that really surprised me - 30 years ago the average dinner lasted 90 minutes, today it lasts 15.  We've lost something along the way.  We've grown too busy.  We've become so attached to electronics that we often don't even notice what is missing. It's relationship.  Real, true, honest, face-to-face relationship. 

So here was the challenge - eat at your dining room/kitchen table with your friends and/or family 3 nights out of the week . . . without electronic devices (that includes your phone)!  As intimidating as those piles of papers on the table were, we cleared everything off and gave it a shot. And guess what.  We had conversation.  We shared how our days were.  Our son got used to snacking on his little puffs as he listened to us talk . . . and tried to add his own thoughts.  We talked about our concerns for the future, our joys in the present, what made us smile that day, what frustrated us.  We connected.  And I loved it!  I felt so refreshed.  What I thought would be so draining gave me life! I was excited about our family, excited about the example this was giving our son.  Instead of 3 nights that week we've done it almost every night since.  There's something powerful about giving someone your full, undivided attention, even if it is only for 30 minutes over a meal. 

In our house we have reclaimed the table.  Can I challenge you to reclaim yours?  What is there to lose? Yes, you might miss a TV show, but think of what could be gained.  You can always find that episode online later, but today is only here for a short while.  Don't miss it.

When The Storm Comes

Some days or seasons it feels as though the clouds have parted and the very light from heaven is beaming down on you. Everything is going great! Your relationship with God is amazing, you and your spouse are connecting on a very close, intimate level, you feel like you have your feet under you when it comes to caring for the kids, and life just couldn't get any better. It's a mountaintop season and you are loving life.

Then there are those other times. Where you know God is there, but the dark clouds have rolled in and it seems like the thunder drowns out His voice as the lightning strikes and the rain comes down so hard you have to duck your head, close your eyes, and just run for shelter. That might seem a bit dramatic, but maybe you're there right now and it is all too real. Or maybe it's somewhere in between. The last several weeks have been a stormy season for my family and I in general. My step dad was very ill over the summer (I'm talking ICU ill) and is still not out of the woods although being out of the hospital. In the last week his sister had emergency surgery for an infected finger, then his mother passed away, then...then....then.... You get the idea. It starts to feel like the rain will never end and with each bolt of lightning comes another unexpected, blinding blow. I confessed to my husband and my God the other day that I just don't know what to do. I hate seeing my loved ones suffer, but know there is little to nothing I can do to "fix" the situation. It is unreal the number of ways God has spoken encouragement to me over the last several days following this confession. I don't have a tried and true way to resolve this, but I can pass along the tidbits of encouragement He has given me and encourage you to make the same confessions if you find yourself in a similar situation. And understand, the situation itself hasn't changed, but my perspective has been adjusted. Here are just a few encouragements:

The morning after making this confession I was trying to get my 8 month old fed, changed, dressed, and happy to go to our bi-weekly Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPs) meeting.  And it was just one of those mornings.  He refused to eat, had to be changed again before we got out the door, and cried in the car seat until he finally settled down . . . and we ran into traffic.  During this time God gave me the peace of mind to pray – "Lord, do something!  I can't do all of this."  And suddenly a song came on.  I don't normally have the radio on, but Jesus knew.  It started like this – "Well forgive me, forgive me if I'm wrong, but this looks like more than I can do on my own."  Boy did that get my attention.  It was my prayer!  Here's where it ended:

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

("Strong Enough" by Matthew West)

I don't have to be strong enough.  In and of myself I'm not strong enough.  BUT God is!  I can have peace knowing He is strong enough and I can rest easy in that.

The next encouragement was very simple.  As we left that meeting I got behind a mini-van whose license plate was very simply "God Wins."  What a great reminder!  Yeah, life is tough right now, but in the end I know that God wins!

Many of the troubles my family faces right now I find hard to believe will every truly change.  They are "impossible."  Things I have grown accustomed to and, if I'm completely honest, I have lost faith will ever be different.  So here's how God got me there:

We say, "I always failed there, and I always will."  Consequently, we don't ask for what we want.  Instead, we think, "it is ridiculous to ask God to do this."  If it is an impossibility, it is the very thing for which we have to ask.  If it is not an impossible thing, it is not a real disturbance.  And God will do what is absolutely impossible.  [My Utmost for His Highest}

Did you catch that?  God works in the impossible.  Too often I get bogged down in the idea that it will never change and so give up on praying for it . . . instead of going to the only One who has the ultimate power to reach down and change the impossible.  Man was that convicting to read!  So when I feel utterly helpless and out of control as I face hard situations, what am I to do?  Go to the One who is in complete control.  Don't write off prayer as "doing nothing."

Last one, I promise.  Sometimes we face hard moments.  We pray and ask God to do something, work in the impossible and nothing happens.  The person passes away, the illness gets worse, the finances don't appear, we don't get that promotion, and the list goes on.  What then?  It's a tough question and one that many people answer by walking away from their faith.  Here's the thing.  We need to trust that God is in absolute control.  He knows our situation, sees our pain, feels our pain, and has a plan.  His plan is not always what we want to happen, but we can trust that it is good because He cannot deny Himself.  He is a good Father. 

I heard this song on the radio that tough morning and it really encouraged me (and had me crying).  As I read over the words I find myself not just enjoying it, but making it my prayer and declaration.  Perhaps you'll do the same:

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!

["Trust in You" by Lauren Daigle]