No, We're Good!

For the second time today I had an experience where I get back in my car and think, "Why did I do that?"  Before I tell my little story, let me explain that I am an independent, Type A, "I got this" kind of woman.  I was raised in a family of very strong, independent, Type A, "I've got this" type of women.  I'll be honest, we pride ourselves on the ability to move heavy furniture across rooms, carry ALL of the groceries in on the first trip, keep up with all the chores and schedules, and, in general, do it all.  It has its advantages, but it also has very many disadvantages.  

If you read my last post, you know that we've been in a tough, overwhelming season.  Not because of any one thing, but because of all the little things that add up to make one gigantic thing.  You know?  And, I'll be honest, a lot of my struggle has been because I am (you guessed it) an independent, Type A, "I've got this" type of person. Because let's be real - I ain't got this!  I was not made to have this. I was not created to carry it all. I am not built to run myself ragged. And let's just go right out and say it, I was never asked, designed, or intended to carry and juggle all the balls without any help. In some cases, I wasn't asked to carry them at all, but I decided to pick them up without being asked!  (Anybody with me there?)

One major disadvantage to my personality, is not knowing how to accept help.  I mean, at all!  So now to my story.  I was headed out of the grocery store today with Ruth in the cart, Caleb trailing along beside me, and two giant, heavy bags of groceries.  While pushing the cart back where it goes and preparing myself to carry both big bags and a little Ruth while watching Caleb, a gentleman asked if I needed any help.  Based on what I described (and I'm sure how I looked), the answer was yes.  But what I found coming out of my mouth was, "No, I think we're good!"  Really??  Despite knowing that I could use an extra hand, even then I couldn't seem to accept help.  After getting across the parking lot, loading everybody in, and getting in myself, I realized what I had done.  Would it really have been that awful to let this man carry one of my bags 20 feet to my car? 

Two things came to mind as I kicked myself for not just letting someone help me.  First, was something my mom and grandma often say - "Don't take away my blessing!"  It's used when someone wants to help and we refuse.  We've taken away that person's opportunity to bless us.  Second, was a scripture in 1 Corinthians 10:23 where we're reminded that while something may be possible, it doesn't mean it's right.  Clearly, I could get both bags and both children to the car, but was it beneficial?  Was it necessary?  Not really.  Just because I can do it, doesn't mean I should.  

Lord, forgive me for trying to do it all.  Forgive me for thinking I ever could.  Teach me to accept help from others and from You.  Give me a humble heart, Father, that recognizes my limitations.  Let me be an example to my children that perfection is not important, to focus on the people around them, and to accept help.  Amen.

For The Weary Mama

In a season of feeling stressed and overwhelmed with two little ones, a new (to me) ministry, and a small business (not to mention typical household chores), I have truly recognized my need to get back into the Word regularly to gain clarity, strength, and wisdom.  After my daughter was born in mid-February, it was a steep learning curve figuring out how to accomplish anything with two under two in the house.  I had to figure out what worked so I could make dinner, fold laundry, get through the grocery store (!), and, not surprisingly, how to do it with limited sleep!  I'm sure many of you can relate.  So here's me trying to get in a better rhythm.

My plan of action is to focus on the book of John (I just needed somewhere to start without something else to think about each time I sat down!).  I'm probably a week into this idea of reading a chapter a day and just finished John 4!  But my tired, weary, anxious mind got a lot of encouragement today as I read these familiar stories.  Things I never noticed before seemed to stand out.

Let's start here, " . . . tired as [Jesus] was from the journey . . . " (John 4:6b).  Did you catch that? Jesus understands how it feels to be tired!  He can relate to me!  It may seem small and I've rushed past it many times, but when you get so stressed you feel as though you're failing daily, there's encouragement in knowing Jesus knows how tired I am and what that feels like!  Phew!

Here's some more encouragement for the weary mama - just a few verses later, Jesus says to the woman at the well, ". . . the water I give him will become in him like a spring of water . . . "  (John 4:14b).  It renews and refreshes itself.  And we have this spring (the Holy Spirit) within us!  How often I forget that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives within me (Romans 6)!  I have become very aware of a little mantra that runs through my mind (and out of my mouth) when things get tough.  You might recognize it, it goes like this, "I can't!  I can't!  I just can't!"  The truth is, He can!  While there is some truth in that - in and of myself I can't - it's not the whole truth.  Enter God! I can't, but He can and His power is at work within me.  This gives me hope.  Will I remember this truth every time I get overwhelmed?  No.  But the more I remind myself, the more quickly this truth will come when the moments become too much.

It's not much, but hopefully these passages encouraged you as they did me.  And remember, mama, you're doing GREAT!

When The Storm Comes

Some days or seasons it feels as though the clouds have parted and the very light from heaven is beaming down on you. Everything is going great! Your relationship with God is amazing, you and your spouse are connecting on a very close, intimate level, you feel like you have your feet under you when it comes to caring for the kids, and life just couldn't get any better. It's a mountaintop season and you are loving life.

Then there are those other times. Where you know God is there, but the dark clouds have rolled in and it seems like the thunder drowns out His voice as the lightning strikes and the rain comes down so hard you have to duck your head, close your eyes, and just run for shelter. That might seem a bit dramatic, but maybe you're there right now and it is all too real. Or maybe it's somewhere in between. The last several weeks have been a stormy season for my family and I in general. My step dad was very ill over the summer (I'm talking ICU ill) and is still not out of the woods although being out of the hospital. In the last week his sister had emergency surgery for an infected finger, then his mother passed away, then...then....then.... You get the idea. It starts to feel like the rain will never end and with each bolt of lightning comes another unexpected, blinding blow. I confessed to my husband and my God the other day that I just don't know what to do. I hate seeing my loved ones suffer, but know there is little to nothing I can do to "fix" the situation. It is unreal the number of ways God has spoken encouragement to me over the last several days following this confession. I don't have a tried and true way to resolve this, but I can pass along the tidbits of encouragement He has given me and encourage you to make the same confessions if you find yourself in a similar situation. And understand, the situation itself hasn't changed, but my perspective has been adjusted. Here are just a few encouragements:

The morning after making this confession I was trying to get my 8 month old fed, changed, dressed, and happy to go to our bi-weekly Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPs) meeting.  And it was just one of those mornings.  He refused to eat, had to be changed again before we got out the door, and cried in the car seat until he finally settled down . . . and we ran into traffic.  During this time God gave me the peace of mind to pray – "Lord, do something!  I can't do all of this."  And suddenly a song came on.  I don't normally have the radio on, but Jesus knew.  It started like this – "Well forgive me, forgive me if I'm wrong, but this looks like more than I can do on my own."  Boy did that get my attention.  It was my prayer!  Here's where it ended:

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

("Strong Enough" by Matthew West)

I don't have to be strong enough.  In and of myself I'm not strong enough.  BUT God is!  I can have peace knowing He is strong enough and I can rest easy in that.

The next encouragement was very simple.  As we left that meeting I got behind a mini-van whose license plate was very simply "God Wins."  What a great reminder!  Yeah, life is tough right now, but in the end I know that God wins!

Many of the troubles my family faces right now I find hard to believe will every truly change.  They are "impossible."  Things I have grown accustomed to and, if I'm completely honest, I have lost faith will ever be different.  So here's how God got me there:

We say, "I always failed there, and I always will."  Consequently, we don't ask for what we want.  Instead, we think, "it is ridiculous to ask God to do this."  If it is an impossibility, it is the very thing for which we have to ask.  If it is not an impossible thing, it is not a real disturbance.  And God will do what is absolutely impossible.  [My Utmost for His Highest}

Did you catch that?  God works in the impossible.  Too often I get bogged down in the idea that it will never change and so give up on praying for it . . . instead of going to the only One who has the ultimate power to reach down and change the impossible.  Man was that convicting to read!  So when I feel utterly helpless and out of control as I face hard situations, what am I to do?  Go to the One who is in complete control.  Don't write off prayer as "doing nothing."

Last one, I promise.  Sometimes we face hard moments.  We pray and ask God to do something, work in the impossible and nothing happens.  The person passes away, the illness gets worse, the finances don't appear, we don't get that promotion, and the list goes on.  What then?  It's a tough question and one that many people answer by walking away from their faith.  Here's the thing.  We need to trust that God is in absolute control.  He knows our situation, sees our pain, feels our pain, and has a plan.  His plan is not always what we want to happen, but we can trust that it is good because He cannot deny Himself.  He is a good Father. 

I heard this song on the radio that tough morning and it really encouraged me (and had me crying).  As I read over the words I find myself not just enjoying it, but making it my prayer and declaration.  Perhaps you'll do the same:

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!

["Trust in You" by Lauren Daigle]

Mommyhood

This was taken at our son's dedication.

Since my last entry on this blog I've celebrated two years of marriage to my best friend and welcomed a son into our family!  Clearly, it has been quite a while since I have felt prompted to write!  About a week ago I was folding my son's clothes as he napped in his crib and my husband did dishes downstairs when it suddenly dawned on me - this is my purpose!  Ok, not the folding clothes, but that's part of it too.  I realized how much joy I got out of doing things to take care of and encourage my family.  I love playing with my son, reading him stories, helping him learn to sit up, singing him songs, rocking him to sleep, even washing his cloth diapers and folding his clothes.  I love fixing dinner for my husband, keeping our home clean, decorating for the seasons, praying for us as a family, and making sure we have clean clothes in the drawers.  I love being a wife and a mommy!  And I've come to the realization that I need to share this joy . . . along with the struggles, challenges, good days, and bad days.

Let the whole world know what He has done.  Sing to Him; yes, sing His praises.  Tell everyone about His miracles . . . Search for the Lord and for His strength, and keep on searching. - I Chronicles 16:8-9, 11

This was my devotion the morning I really started to ask God whether I should attempt to start blogging again.  The idea had been on my mind for a couple weeks, but then I would think, "I don't write well," "when am I going to find time to do that," "what would I talk about anyway," and "what do I really have to share?"  Finally, I decided to ask God what He thought!  Haha!  (Bright idea, right?)  I prayed, explained to him all the reasons that I shouldn't even try it, and then turned to my Bible where I read the passage above.  Here's what it taught me:

1. Who cares how you write?  If you're following God's prompting He'll give you the words He wants on the page.

2. "Search for the Lord and for His strength."  Not mine.  He will give me the time and energy to write.  I don't need to stress about it.

3. Talk about "what He has done."  It's not that complicated.  Talk about what God is doing in my life, my son's life, and our family's life.  The good, the bad, the complicated.

4. What do you have to share?  "Tell everyone about His miracles."  My son is a miracle.  Every life is a miracle and everything God is doing in our lives is worth sharing. It is through sharing that we can both cry and rejoice together.  We grow together.

So here's my disclaimer.  My grammar is not great.  My mind doesn't always work in a linear fashion.  What I'm going through may not match your life at all.  But I'm going to do my best to be real, honest, and share the amazing things God is doing in our lives!  I will "sing to Him; yes, sing His praises!"