On The Hard Days

A couple months back we were having one of those mornings.  You know the one.  Where by 9am as we piled into the car, children had already gotten in trouble, clothes changed, tears (kids and me), and I was at my wits end.  Lucas (my husband) was working that particular Sunday morning so the kids and I were driving solo to church.  In the car on the 15 minute drive I began to really get down on myself.  I did it again.  I allowed myself to get frazzled, let little things bother me.  I'm such a bad mom.  Why can't I get this under control??  

We got into church, I dropped the kids off in their classrooms and headed into worship.  As we began to sing those words came back to me - You're such a hypocrit standing here singing as if you didn't have a tough morning.  You really need to get yourself in control.  You're no where near where you should be at this point.  Get it together!  Then suddenly a though occurred to me which I have spoken to myself many times since then:

The Enemy will say, "Look how far you have to go!  Might as well give up because you'll never get there!"  God says, "Look how far I've brought you!  Can you trust Me to complete the work I started?"

I spent the rest of worship in tears as He brought to memory truly how far I've come.  I was raised in a "broken" family and faced my fair share of difficulties as a child, but somehow came away without becoming a "statistic."  The Enemy primed me to fall into all the temptations of a young person in my situation, BUT GOD protected me and brought me through it all.  I'm not where I want to be, but God has brought me so much healing that I'm not sure my high school self would recognize me now!  

Praise God that He finished what He completes!  I am not a finished product, but a work in progress.  I still have a long way to go, but I don't go it alone!

If you're like me and have those moments where you start barrading yourself for not being better, smarter, calmer, faster, more mature, more put together . . . more . . . better . . .  STOP.  Take a moment and think back a month, a year, ten years.  Pause and notice how far God has brought you and then make a conscience (maybe even outloud) declaration that you will trust Him to complete what He started!

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue His work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.  ~ Philippians 1:6

If not for God . . .

If the LORD had not been on our side
   when people attacked us,
they would have swallowed us alive
   when their anger flared against us;
the flood would have engulfed us,
   the torrent would have swept over us,
the raging waters
   would have swept us away.

. . . Our help is in the name of the LORD,
   the Maker of heaven and earth.

Psalm 124:2-5, 8

Take a moment and consider this question:  Where would you be without God?  Seriously, take a couple minutes and think about it.  What has He carried you through?  What has He rescued you from?  What decisions has He kept you from making?

A few Sundays ago during worship at church we began to sing "Nothing is impossible for You."  As I listened to the words sitting in a pew surrounded by such a huge display of God's blessing in my life and the lives of those around me, I couldn't help but understand that those words are so incredibly true.  To my left sat my cousin who was saved within the last year.  I never thought I would sit with him church let alone be able to watch him worship the One, True God.  Down the pew on my right sat my mother and her husband.  Such a blessing and testimony to have each of them there with me sitting all the way up front singing these words.  Next to me sat one of the most amazing, godly men I know.  Our story has God's fingerprints all over it!  And then I began to think of all the things God carried me through to bring me to that place physically, emotionally, and spiritually.  How great is our God!

If not for God none of us would be sitting there.  Each person has their own testimony, their own story of how God brought them to the point they are now.  And each story is just as unique and just as incredible.  How about you?  What's your story?  Where would you be if not for God?

More Than Meets the Eye

She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her:  "You are the God who sees me," for she said, "I have now seen the One who sees me."  ~ Genesis 16:13

Have you ever felt unappreciated?  Like no one really cared how you were doing as long as you got your work done or did what they needed from you?  As I was reading the story of Abram, Sarai, and Hagar in Genesis 16, I was struck by how much we often have in common with Hagar.  I had never really paid that much attention to her before and, turns out, that was the point.  You see, Hagar was a servant in Abram's house.  In this passage she was given by her mistress to her master to be his wife.  It says nothing about Hagar choosing this or even being excited at the idea.  She had no choice in the matter. 

Hagar, throughout her life, up to the point of her encounter with God, was seen first as someone who could run errands and get things done, then as the carrier of the heir to Abram's house.  In either case it was not her that was seen, but what she could accomplish.  I would imagine she began to feel invisible, unseen, forgotten.  It says Sarai began to treat her so harshly that Hagar ran away. 

It was at this point when Hagar found herself alone in the desert that an angel of the Lord came to her.  He says:

Hagar, servant of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going? ~ Genesis 16:8a

Notice that the angel uses her name.  Earlier in verses 2 and 3, Sarai only calls her "maidservant."  She doesn't use her name.  But this angel of the Lord comes, calls her by name, and asks about her, not the task she's supposed to be working on or the child she carries.  He was interested in her.  I would imagine that is something Hagar had never experienced before, or at least not very often.  She had gotten used to being invisible, but God said she was more than that.  She desired to be noticed and God came down to tell her she was not forgotten. 

Your Father has not forgotten you.  He sees you.  He knows what you face.  He knows you feel invisible sometimes, but He wants you to know that He sees you, He loves you, and He wants the very best for you.

This story portrays a lot of Sarai's less desirable qualities of wanting to be in control, but I believe Sarai was just as broken as Hagar.  Here she was, the wife of a prominent man of God and she couldn't provide the one thing her society said a wife should – an heir.  The first time she is mentioned in scripture her barrenness is made known:

Now Sarai was barren; she had no children.  ~ Genesis 11:30

I believe she must have felt unworthy, humiliated, like a failure.  I would imagine she saw herself as "less than" because she couldn't complete the one thing she was called to do.  But our God is an awesome God and He saw Sarai just as He saw Hagar and just He sees us. 

God also said to Abraham, "As for Sarai your wife, you are no longer to call her Sarai; her name will be Sarah.  ~ Genesis 17:15

Literally translated, Sarah means princess.  She saw herself as a failure, but god saw her as His princess.  He saw nations coming from her when she began to doubt her ability to provide just one child.  God sees more in you than you can ever see in yourself.  Men, think of Gideon (mighty man of God while hiding in a winepress), Peter (a fisherman who later was a great apostle), Paul (a persecutor of the Church who later penned most of the New Testament). 

There is more in you than what you see in the mirror.  Our Father sees you and loves you as His dear child.  Never believe that you are forgotten, because your Father in heaven sees you and calls you His own.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.  And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered.  So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. ~ Matthew 10:29-31

Carrying the Cross

And anyone who does not take his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me.  ~ Matthew 10:38

Just a week ago thousands of college students gathered in Atlanta, Georgia to listen to amazing speakers, worship as a generation, and ultimately to encounter God in life-changing ways.  Although I was unable to attend this event (Passion Conference 2011), I did listen to the main speakers through online streaming.  One of the overarching themes was living a life that reflects what you believe.  If you really believe that Christ died on a cross to save us from ourselves and without Him we are doomed to an eternity separated from Him, how could we see the people around us who don’t know Him and say nothing?  If we really claim to take God’s Word, the Bible, as the ultimate Truth, how can we watch these people and condemn them to this fate because we are too shy, too fearful, too tolerant to tell them the hope we have in Christ?

A day or two after listening to these messages as I was driving to school, praying, and reflecting all that I had learned, God put this question on my heart:  Who’s watching you?  It was a little confusing at first, but God elaborated on this question and here’s what I ended up with:

I had this image of Christ walking through the streets of the city after being beaten, humiliated, whipped, and now forced to carry His own cross.  As I watched this procession in my mind I was made aware of the crowds that would have watched this scene.  All the people that would have come outside to watch this man, this Christ, come through the town. 

The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at Him. . . ~ Luke 23:35a

Christ never denied who He was.  He never denied the power of His Father and He never went back on what He had been preaching even though it would have saved His life.  Because of this people knew Him.  They watched Him.  Crowds would gather around to hear Him speak.  And at His death crowds once again gathered around to watch Him. 

At this time I was reminded that Jesus commanded us as followers of Christ, to pick up our cross and carry it daily (Matt 10:38, 16:24; Luke 9:23, 14:27).  Once again I encountered the question:  Who is watching you?  I realized that if I’m not picking up my cross and following Christ daily, there’s no one watching me.  I’m just another person walking through this life, apparently lost like everyone else.  If, however, I’m carrying the cross with me, I’m carrying the hope and salvation of Christ into my every day, people are going to watch.  They are going to be interested in what I have, what I carry.  And when the time comes I’ll be able to share with them this hope, love, and salvation that Christ died and rose again to give me. 

So I ask this of you:  Who is watching you?  If there is no one then I must ask whether you picked up your cross this morning.  Are you living a life that reflects the life Christ died to give you?

Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. ~ Philippians 1:27a

The Long Road

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. The Israelites went out of Egypt armed for battle. ~ Exodus 13:17-18


At a service the other night a guest speaker got up and talked about how everything we do comes by a process. He said if something comes to you at the snap of a finger it will go the same way. There is a due season and appointed time for everything (Ecclesiastes 3). I was reminded of this as I read Exodus 13 today.

Have you ever had one of those experiences where you’re reading a familiar passage and suddenly you see something in it that you never noticed before? Well, I had one of those moments with verse 17. You see, there was a shorter way for the Israelites escape and flee from the Egyptians who were pursuing them, but God knew them so well that He didn’t lead them that way. It wasn’t because He wanted to make it more difficult for them or make them walk farther, but because He loved them and didn’t want to see them give up. He knew that if they took the shorter route they would come against enemies that they were not yet ready to face. Later on we see the Israelites fight the Philistines on several occasions, but at this point God knew they would turn back in fear. He needed to show them He was capable of protecting them and fighting for them before they would be prepared to face those enemies.

There are things in our lives where it seems like God is taking us the long way around. It seems like He’s trying to deprive us of something that we desire or that we feel would be good for us. Perhaps that’s a job, a relationship, a house, finances, etc. Whatever it is you feel like God is deliberately keeping them from you. Honestly, you may be right. In the case of the Israelites, He deliberately led them a longer way, which could be interpreted as depriving them of freedom for that much longer, so that He could prove Himself faithful to them. God is not trying to make life hard for you. He’s not trying to keep good things out of your reach. He knows the battles you will face when you get what it is you want and He wants to prepare you for them before you have to face them.

Instead of taking them the shorter route, it says that God took them down the desert road toward the Red Sea. Once at the Red Sea they were put into a position that would have seemed impossible. We also see that God was right about the reaction of His people to battle. As the Egyptians closed in, the people started crying out in fear:

“Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” ~ Exodus 14:12

At this point, however, turning back was not an option. Pharaoh was coming against with 600 chariots (14:7) and he was not happy! But on the other side they had come up against the Red Sea. This route put them in a position where they had to rely on God to see them through and He proved Himself faithful!

Then Moses stretched out his hand over the sea, and all that night the Lord drove the sea back with a strong east wind and turned it into dry land. The waters were divided, and the Israelites went through the sea on dry ground, with a wall of water on their right and on their left. ~ Exodus 14:21-22

Not only did the people make it safely across the Red Sea knowing their God provided a way, but the army that was chasing them He threw into confusion and let the waters of the sea flow back over them so they were no more.

You have been taken down this long road so the He can prove to you that He is faithful. He wants to show you that He is your Lord, that He loves you, and that He will fight for you. Not only that, but He wants to take those things that are chasing you (anxiety, fear, insecurity, etc.) and let the sea flow over them so they chase you no longer. It’s a process.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

Treasured Possession

God has been doing amazing things in my life! It's a process that started many, many years ago, but is finally coming to a point where I can begin to see God's purpose and plan. As I'm realizing this I thought other people might benefit from hearing a little about it . . . or a lot since this note turned out to be incredibly long! So here it goes:

Let’s just get you up to speed on what has been going on with me lately. Through my church and several friends who have helped me more than they will ever know, God has been revealing to me things that need to change in my life. For a long time I have been stuck in a rut. I want to know God more, but I was holding on so tightly to my past that I was unwilling to notice what He is doing with me right now.I held onto the pain of all the memories because I didn't want to go through it alone. I figured if I held onto it long enough that eventually someone would come along that would comfort me. What I failed to realize is that during all of this God had been standing on the sidelines with arms wide open waiting for me to just turn His way. He didn’t just stand back and watch me go through this, He walked right beside me. He knew every thought I had, every feeling, every disappointment, every fear, every heartbreak. Even though I was raised in the church and knew God was there for me, I just never believed that He was there for me. I mean, you hear it in Sunday School, but why would He care what I’m going through? I can take care of myself, there are plenty of other people who are going through worse things. He is with them, not me. He has recently shown me that I’m not just me – I’m His treasured possession. If I sacrificed something I loved for another person, I would make sure that that individual would benefit from it and reach their full capacity. God sacrificed His son for me! Of course, I am important to Him! He wouldn’t give His son over to be tortured and killed just to walk away when I was struggling. As I reach this realization that God has never left me and that I have done nothing on my own, I look back and realize how much He has done – how far He has brought me. I’m not going to go all the way back to the beginning, that will come later, but it’s time for me to share some what He has done in my life:

My parents divorced when I was very young. Several other things occurred before my mother married my step-dad when I was six. I was amazed by him for the longest time. My experience with fathers up to that point hadn't been very good. This man came in and everything felt safe again – home was finally home. He bought me a puppy the first year he was there! It seems trivial, but to a six year old it means quite a bit. It meant he was going to be around to help me take care of him. I knew that he would be around for a long time. He wasn’t just passing through.

I don’t know when it started, but things began to change over time. He was still a good guy, but there were other things. He would get angry, really angry over almost silly things. And when he got angry he became scary. It wasn’t until my sister was born five years ago that it got really bad. Almost once a month he would walk out. We started walking on eggshells. Who knew what would send him over the edge? Home wasn’t a calm place anymore. It was hectic, chaotic, and tense. I came home wondering if tonight would be the night he would leave. We didn’t always know where he went, but it was always preceded with him yelling and sometimes throwing things around. He never hurt any of us, but we could tell he was completely at the mercy of his anger. He couldn’t control himself. It also started to become a common thing to hear him say that he wanted to kill himself – that everything would be better if he weren’t here.

During this time I fought with God so often. I couldn’t see His plan. I knew it was there somewhere, that it would be revealed in due time, but I wanted to see it now! I remember the night before my 16th birthday he was ready to leave. He packed his bags and was headed out the door. I don’t even know what started it. I remember lying in bed that night pleading with God to bring him back. I just wanted God to fix it all. I couldn’t handle it anymore.There are many more stories, but they aren’t necessary. In all the years that this has gone on only a few people have known and even they don’t know everything. It was my pain, my story. In holding on so tightly to this, I have pushed God away. I have asked Him to forgive me and heal me, but not that part – not the past. I was still waiting for the comfort that I knew someone would eventually give me – paying no attention that He was right there with arms wide open, waiting.

During a sermon last semester, God made it very clear to me that He never left me alone during any of this. As I was listening to the music (Desert Song by Hillsong), I got this image in my head. One time when he was really angry at my sister for something, he started yelling at her. She was three years old, sitting on the stairs as my mom put her shoes on and he was in her face yelling at her. She, of course, had no idea what was going on. I was upstairs and when I saw what was happening I came down and sat behind her. I put my hands over her ears and told him that she didn’t need to hear her father talking to her like that. As I listened to this song at church I saw more. God was sitting on the step behind me covering my ears as I was doing with my sister. I wasn’t alone. I didn’t make it through on my own. If He wasn’t there with me I would never have made it to where I am now.

I'm not writing this from the end of the path saying everything is wonderful now. I'm still walking along this road, but I have a peace about it now. I know that God loves me. I know that I have never spent a day alone in my life. That in my hardest, darkest times is when He was carrying me.

Never underestimate what God can do. Whatever it is that you may be facing, no matter how hopeless it seems, He is waiting in the wings for you to turn to Him. I certainly am not claiming that I have it all figured out or that everything is great now – it is a process – but I do know that He will be holding my hand as I figure out the next step – as I learn to trust Him more fully. If you are going through something that you just don’t know how it could come out right. Where the doubt and despair seem to be eating at you from the inside out – talk to someone. Even if you just ask them to listen. We are not meant to carry these kinds of burdens on our own. And don’t be afraid to cry out to God! I always thought that I shouldn’t question the Will of God, but then I heard someone speak one time about how God knows our hearts already so why hold back? Do we think He isn’t going to see that we are confused? Be honest with God. How else do we grow if we do not ask questions and seek answers?Thanks for taking a look at my massively long note! I just wanted to share with you how God has been moving in my life and how He can move in your life.