Lessons from 30!

Today I enter a new decade!  Leading up to today I've been thinking about the many things I've learned up to this point and all the things I'd like to do better in this coming year.  Here are a list of my top ten:

1. Just ask.  When I was younger I'd rather walk out of a store without something than have to ask for help.  Now?  Who has time for that?  I'm the person who you'll likely find talking to the greeter before I even look for something myself!  Don't be afraid to ask for help or clarification.  It saves time and, often enough, saves anxiety as well!

2. Worry less about what others think.  This is an area I've improved on a lot, but hope to continue growing in.  I have spent too much time putting effort into things that don't matter to me in order to "impress" someone else.  Why?  If it's not something I'm passionate about or care about, why waste time on that when I can do something that make my heart light up?!

3. Wear it.  You know the thing.  That outfit just popped into your mind, the one you want to wear, but worry what others will think.  Maybe it's something super fancy or perhaps it's your most comfy pair of sweat pants.  Go for it!  Not sure?  See number 2.

4. Find ways to love your everyday!  Don't wait for vacation or that special trip to enjoy yourself!  Find some special little things to brighten your days.  Maybe it's baking a cake with your kids just because, taking a walk, sitting in silence with a perfect cup of coffee, jumping through the hose in your yard, whatever it is, take the time and DO IT! 

5. Take a moment each day to be grateful. I recently heard someone speak on how gratitude is the fastest way to happiness.  Take a moment each day to consider what you are thankful for.  Write it down, tell somebody, but make sure you recognize life's little blessings.

6.  Accept the change of plans with grace.  This is still an area I need major improvements in.  Life, especially life with kids, can change course very quickly and without warning.  Try not to waste time being upset or frustrated by those changes.  Instead embrace them with grace and move forward.

7. Find what you love and do it!  Discover that thing that makes you smile, gives you life, fuels your fire, and then make time to do it. 

8. Get a smaller planner!  Haha!  This may be specific to me or other Type A's out there, but seriously, get the smaller planner.  Don't schedule a week's worth of chores in one day and be upset when you can't finish it.  You don't, in fact, have super powers!  Try schedule ONE thing to do each day that must get done and then leave it at that. 

9. Find community.  This life is not meant to be lived alone.  Find your people.

10. Take care of yourself - mind, body, and soul.  Ok, here's the major one.  Practice good self-care.  Take time daily to be with God.  He will renew your spirit, give you peace, and guide your days.  And take steps to care for your body.  Don't get me wrong, still eat that cake and love it, but maybe in moderation.  ;)

So there it is.  My top 10 thoughts as I enter this new decade.  There are many more that come to mind as I consider all the areas I feel I've grown in the past several years, but these are my favorites!  :)

For The Weary Mama

In a season of feeling stressed and overwhelmed with two little ones, a new (to me) ministry, and a small business (not to mention typical household chores), I have truly recognized my need to get back into the Word regularly to gain clarity, strength, and wisdom.  After my daughter was born in mid-February, it was a steep learning curve figuring out how to accomplish anything with two under two in the house.  I had to figure out what worked so I could make dinner, fold laundry, get through the grocery store (!), and, not surprisingly, how to do it with limited sleep!  I'm sure many of you can relate.  So here's me trying to get in a better rhythm.

My plan of action is to focus on the book of John (I just needed somewhere to start without something else to think about each time I sat down!).  I'm probably a week into this idea of reading a chapter a day and just finished John 4!  But my tired, weary, anxious mind got a lot of encouragement today as I read these familiar stories.  Things I never noticed before seemed to stand out.

Let's start here, " . . . tired as [Jesus] was from the journey . . . " (John 4:6b).  Did you catch that? Jesus understands how it feels to be tired!  He can relate to me!  It may seem small and I've rushed past it many times, but when you get so stressed you feel as though you're failing daily, there's encouragement in knowing Jesus knows how tired I am and what that feels like!  Phew!

Here's some more encouragement for the weary mama - just a few verses later, Jesus says to the woman at the well, ". . . the water I give him will become in him like a spring of water . . . "  (John 4:14b).  It renews and refreshes itself.  And we have this spring (the Holy Spirit) within us!  How often I forget that the same power that raised Jesus from the dead lives within me (Romans 6)!  I have become very aware of a little mantra that runs through my mind (and out of my mouth) when things get tough.  You might recognize it, it goes like this, "I can't!  I can't!  I just can't!"  The truth is, He can!  While there is some truth in that - in and of myself I can't - it's not the whole truth.  Enter God! I can't, but He can and His power is at work within me.  This gives me hope.  Will I remember this truth every time I get overwhelmed?  No.  But the more I remind myself, the more quickly this truth will come when the moments become too much.

It's not much, but hopefully these passages encouraged you as they did me.  And remember, mama, you're doing GREAT!

Encourage One Another

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. - 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Over the past couple of weeks I have seen so many posts, articles, comments, etc. of moms very aggressively sharing their views on mothering.  While sharing these opinions in and of themselves is not wrong, the manner in which I have seen it is. I read verses like the one above and weep a little.  We are called to encourage one another and build each other up . . . but is that "just as in fact [we] are doing?"  When I read a post, especially one between Christian mothers, that leaves my stomach turning, not because of the advice or opinions, but because of the tone, words, and anger behind them, it hurts my heart.  I'm not the first to say all of this and I'm sure I won't be the last.  Being a mom is hard work!  We have so much to decide on - sleeping, eating, playtime, outdoor playing, screen time, music, education, even diapers for goodness sakes!  And each one of us will make those decisions.  We'll have opinions of why our choice is best and maybe are so convinced at how great our decision was that we want to share it with others.  No matter what decision we make, one thing is the same.  We want the best for our child.  We want them to feel loved, to succeed, to know the Lord, to see His work in our lives, to be healthy, to be encouraged . . . and the list goes on.

I don't know the perfect answer to all of these decisions for every mama in the world, but what I do know is this.  God gave me my son.  And He gave me to him.  I know him better than any other person on this planet.  I know my family better than any other person on this planet.  And God trusted me with them.  He gave me the ability to think and make decisions.  He taught me to trust Him and turn to Him when those decisions are hard.  He taught me to listen to Him and stand firm in obedience even when it didn't make sense to others (or even myself).  How God has led me to raise my children may not be the same as He led you, but know that it doesn't change my opinion of you and it will not change my support of you.  

Being a mama is hard, but you are doing a great job!  How do I know?  Because if you are following the Lord and calling on Him to help raise your child, you are making the best decisions (even the hard ones) and are leaning on the best Father there ever was or will be to give you wisdom.  He knows you and your child intimately, after all He formed your child in your womb (Psalm 139)!  He has plans for you and your child and His plans are good and are never thwarted (Jeremiah 29:11, Job 42:2).

My purpose in this post is to encourage mamas to remember how hard it is and rather than make those decisions harder for other mamas, encourage them.  Offer advice if it's asked for, but encourage whatever decision they make.  If you think they've made the wrong decision, pray that the Lord would lead them to a different decision, but ultimately trust that God will lead them in what is best for their child.  

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. - Hebrews 10:24-25

Nothing to Prove

This morning our pastor made a statement that really spoke to me.  He said -

"God approves of you.  You have nothing more to prove."

It seems so simple yet it is so incredibly powerful.  There is so much pressure to be "perfect" - clean house, well-behaved children, fit body, stylish wardrobe, healthy eating, ample finances, etc.  Truth is, trying to live out all of those expectations is exhausting and unrealistic.  It keeps us stressed, tense, and critical of others as we compare ourselves constantly to see if we've "met the mark."  When we realize that we are already fully approved by God, the task of "proving ourselves worthy" is complete and we experience REST - freedom from expectation.  We are able to sit back, spend time with God, learn more about how He created us (skills, gifts, and talents) and focus more on using the amazing, unique abilities He's given each of us.  And guess what!  When we work from a place of rest, out of the gifts He's given, we find JOY, PEACE, PURPOSE, and FULFILLMENT!

There's no special formula.  Nothing we have to do to get there.  We just have to realize it's already been done.  God looks at us and says, "My child, I love you and approve of you.  You will always be my child and I will always love you."  

Lord, let us rest in the knowledge that You love us and fully approve of us.  The work of being "good enough" is over because You have already fully accepted us.  Reveal to us the unique talents You've given us and help us explore them from a place of rest in a way that honors You.  Amen.

When The Storm Comes

Some days or seasons it feels as though the clouds have parted and the very light from heaven is beaming down on you. Everything is going great! Your relationship with God is amazing, you and your spouse are connecting on a very close, intimate level, you feel like you have your feet under you when it comes to caring for the kids, and life just couldn't get any better. It's a mountaintop season and you are loving life.

Then there are those other times. Where you know God is there, but the dark clouds have rolled in and it seems like the thunder drowns out His voice as the lightning strikes and the rain comes down so hard you have to duck your head, close your eyes, and just run for shelter. That might seem a bit dramatic, but maybe you're there right now and it is all too real. Or maybe it's somewhere in between. The last several weeks have been a stormy season for my family and I in general. My step dad was very ill over the summer (I'm talking ICU ill) and is still not out of the woods although being out of the hospital. In the last week his sister had emergency surgery for an infected finger, then his mother passed away, then...then....then.... You get the idea. It starts to feel like the rain will never end and with each bolt of lightning comes another unexpected, blinding blow. I confessed to my husband and my God the other day that I just don't know what to do. I hate seeing my loved ones suffer, but know there is little to nothing I can do to "fix" the situation. It is unreal the number of ways God has spoken encouragement to me over the last several days following this confession. I don't have a tried and true way to resolve this, but I can pass along the tidbits of encouragement He has given me and encourage you to make the same confessions if you find yourself in a similar situation. And understand, the situation itself hasn't changed, but my perspective has been adjusted. Here are just a few encouragements:

The morning after making this confession I was trying to get my 8 month old fed, changed, dressed, and happy to go to our bi-weekly Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPs) meeting.  And it was just one of those mornings.  He refused to eat, had to be changed again before we got out the door, and cried in the car seat until he finally settled down . . . and we ran into traffic.  During this time God gave me the peace of mind to pray – "Lord, do something!  I can't do all of this."  And suddenly a song came on.  I don't normally have the radio on, but Jesus knew.  It started like this – "Well forgive me, forgive me if I'm wrong, but this looks like more than I can do on my own."  Boy did that get my attention.  It was my prayer!  Here's where it ended:

I can do all things
Through Christ who gives me strength
And I don't have to be
Strong enough
Strong enough

("Strong Enough" by Matthew West)

I don't have to be strong enough.  In and of myself I'm not strong enough.  BUT God is!  I can have peace knowing He is strong enough and I can rest easy in that.

The next encouragement was very simple.  As we left that meeting I got behind a mini-van whose license plate was very simply "God Wins."  What a great reminder!  Yeah, life is tough right now, but in the end I know that God wins!

Many of the troubles my family faces right now I find hard to believe will every truly change.  They are "impossible."  Things I have grown accustomed to and, if I'm completely honest, I have lost faith will ever be different.  So here's how God got me there:

We say, "I always failed there, and I always will."  Consequently, we don't ask for what we want.  Instead, we think, "it is ridiculous to ask God to do this."  If it is an impossibility, it is the very thing for which we have to ask.  If it is not an impossible thing, it is not a real disturbance.  And God will do what is absolutely impossible.  [My Utmost for His Highest}

Did you catch that?  God works in the impossible.  Too often I get bogged down in the idea that it will never change and so give up on praying for it . . . instead of going to the only One who has the ultimate power to reach down and change the impossible.  Man was that convicting to read!  So when I feel utterly helpless and out of control as I face hard situations, what am I to do?  Go to the One who is in complete control.  Don't write off prayer as "doing nothing."

Last one, I promise.  Sometimes we face hard moments.  We pray and ask God to do something, work in the impossible and nothing happens.  The person passes away, the illness gets worse, the finances don't appear, we don't get that promotion, and the list goes on.  What then?  It's a tough question and one that many people answer by walking away from their faith.  Here's the thing.  We need to trust that God is in absolute control.  He knows our situation, sees our pain, feels our pain, and has a plan.  His plan is not always what we want to happen, but we can trust that it is good because He cannot deny Himself.  He is a good Father. 

I heard this song on the radio that tough morning and it really encouraged me (and had me crying).  As I read over the words I find myself not just enjoying it, but making it my prayer and declaration.  Perhaps you'll do the same:

Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!

I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!

["Trust in You" by Lauren Daigle]

He Delights in Me

Comparison.  My greatest temptation and the one area of my life that brings me the most sorrow, disappointment, and displeasure.  Perhaps this isn't an area you struggle with, but it has been a lifelong issue for me.  I compare my abilities, possessions, relationships, accomplishments, etc.  Every act I perform is held up next to someone else's similar act to see if I measure up, to see if I'm good enough.  When my son was born I had so many things I wanted to do with him - things I wanted to teach him, show him, and experience with him.  And in many ways I have done much of what I hoped to . . . with one small problem.  Each thing I did carried with it a question - "how will this compare with what so-and-so did?"  My old nemesis had sneaked its way into my relationship with my son.  Instead of doing things simply to enjoy him and love him, I did it in response to what others were doing.  I have been told over and over again, as I'm sure many mothers are, to cherish this time.  It seemed like such a strange suggestion.  Of course I'm going to cherish the time I have with my son.  Why wouldn't I?  And that is truly what I hoped to do, but comparison chipped away.  Trying to measure up and be "super mom" took away from just enjoying him.  It robbed me of the joy in the moment.   

This morning as my little man napped I read this verse and it has been on my heart all day:

He led me to a place of safety; He rescued me because He delights in me. - 2 Samuel 22:20

Here's the truth, God delights in me.  He rescued me and saved me not because of what I could do for Him or because of what I own, but because He created me and loves me.  There is no comparison.  He sees me as I am and delights in me.  I don't have to measure up.  I don't have to compete.  The same goes for being a mom.  Comparison makes me forget that God gave my son to me.  He will lead me in how to raise him.  He will teach me how to love my son unconditionally.  And how He leads me will very likely be different from other moms.  Is it wrong?  No.  It is better?  No. Is it a competition?  No.  I can delight with God in how He uses other moms in the lives of their children as I stand in amazement at how God leads me to be mommy to my Caleb.


I feel like Paul where he essentially says, "I don't speak as someone who has it all together, but I press on towards the goal" (Philippians 3:12).  I don't have this figured out.  I still struggle with comparing myself to others.  But what I take hope in is that Christ has grace for me and He will continually lead me as I venture ever farther into mommyhood.

You are NOT alone!

The other day I was driving down the interstate with my little buddy in the backseat.  We were coming up to a particularly bad area known for traffic so I merged into the far left lane in hopes of sneaking by the worst of it.  I had just started thinking how few cars were on the road when we came over the hill and were met with parked traffic.  :(  Apparently there was a very bad accident up ahead that had closed all lanes.  So much for making good time.  No worries though, little guy was quietly playing with his toys . . . until we had sat there about five minutes.  Suddenly he was wailing.  I assured him I felt the same way about the traffic and understood he was getting hungry, but there was nothing I could do.  We were suck in the far left lane next to two semis.  As 10, 20, 30 minutes passed I started becoming frantic.  My little guy was clearly miserable, needed mommy to hold him, and we were stuck!  I tried to turn on my blinker, but the semis couldn't go anywhere.  Finally there was a bit of a break and I hoped beyond hope that someone in the lane next to us could see our predicament and would let me over . . . no such luck.  I ended up calling mom (aren't moms great) who in turn called the state police to see what I should do (we had no idea when traffic would let up, only that little man wouldn't stop until he was out of that seat).  Basically, they told me to turn on my blinker, lay on the horn, roll down the window and yell at people - whatever I had to do to get to the off-ramp.  If you happen to know my personally, you probably know that's not likely to happen.  But as the traffic began to move again, a mom in the car next to me had begun to notice what was going on and motioned for me to come in front of her to get off the interstate!  Thank you, Jesus, for this mom who understood!  Who not only understood, but risked being cut of by others to let me in!!

Ok, that was a long description, but do you know the feeling?  You're having a hard time with your child, whatever that may look like, and you just want someone to give you a sympathetic smile, a helping hand, or even just to not look at you in judgment?!  Thankfully I was the only one who was bothered by my little guy, but I needed someone to help, someone to notice and offer assistance.  I heard a story the other day of a lady who brought her baby girl on a plane and was met with judgmental stares and rude comments . . . until the woman next to her offered to help.  Suddenly, that mom didn't feel so alone anymore.  Didn't feel so judged, so helpless.

I'm fairly certain that if you're a mom, you've experienced that feeling.  So what do we do about it?

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. - I Thessalonians 5:11

In simple terms, help each other.  Look out for each other.  Rather than give judgmental stares or unwanted advice, offer a kind smile.  Ask if there is anything you can do to help.  Meet a visible need.  Be the mom who shows other moms they're not alone.  Let's build each other up!

And to the mom who let me over - THANK YOU!