If you read my last post, you know that we've been in a tough, overwhelming season. Not because of any one thing, but because of all the little things that add up to make one gigantic thing. You know? And, I'll be honest, a lot of my struggle has been because I am (you guessed it) an independent, Type A, "I've got this" type of person. Because let's be real - I ain't got this! I was not made to have this. I was not created to carry it all. I am not built to run myself ragged. And let's just go right out and say it, I was never asked, designed, or intended to carry and juggle all the balls without any help. In some cases, I wasn't asked to carry them at all, but I decided to pick them up without being asked! (Anybody with me there?)
One major disadvantage to my personality, is not knowing how to accept help. I mean, at all! So now to my story. I was headed out of the grocery store today with Ruth in the cart, Caleb trailing along beside me, and two giant, heavy bags of groceries. While pushing the cart back where it goes and preparing myself to carry both big bags and a little Ruth while watching Caleb, a gentleman asked if I needed any help. Based on what I described (and I'm sure how I looked), the answer was yes. But what I found coming out of my mouth was, "No, I think we're good!" Really?? Despite knowing that I could use an extra hand, even then I couldn't seem to accept help. After getting across the parking lot, loading everybody in, and getting in myself, I realized what I had done. Would it really have been that awful to let this man carry one of my bags 20 feet to my car?
Two things came to mind as I kicked myself for not just letting someone help me. First, was something my mom and grandma often say - "Don't take away my blessing!" It's used when someone wants to help and we refuse. We've taken away that person's opportunity to bless us. Second, was a scripture in 1 Corinthians 10:23 where we're reminded that while something may be possible, it doesn't mean it's right. Clearly, I could get both bags and both children to the car, but was it beneficial? Was it necessary? Not really. Just because I can do it, doesn't mean I should.
Lord, forgive me for trying to do it all. Forgive me for thinking I ever could. Teach me to accept help from others and from You. Give me a humble heart, Father, that recognizes my limitations. Let me be an example to my children that perfection is not important, to focus on the people around them, and to accept help. Amen.
