There's a Lesson In This

While so much fun seeing all of our families, this Christmas season was long and tiring.  After traveling three weekends in a row we were all so ready to be home where the kids could play with their new toys and we could all sleep in our own beds.  And then on our second day home the littlest wakes up with a stomach bug, followed by the oldest, then mommy.  :(  Not exactly how we planned to enjoy our new toys and time at home, BUT there's a lesson in this . . .

During our driving this holiday and in the days leading up to the New Year, I took some time to sit and consider what I wanted out of this new beginning.  I put in some extra prayer time and Scripture reading and while many were coming up with words for the new year, I felt like God placed this little phrase in my mind - work smarter, not harder.  You see, I'm from the mindset that in order to expect big things (and really feel like you're doing anything worthwhile), you have to work hard and put in the time.  Unfortunately, this mindset has left me strained, stressed, and overwhelmed.  Not to mention feeling like a failure in many areas of my life.  God's gentle instruction opened up a whole new idea.  Slowly He's been showing me to put Him first, follow where He leads, and do only what is needed in each area without going overboard (I often dive in head first and want a years worth of work done in about an hour, just ask my husband!).  

While my children have been sick, I've done countless loads of laundry, cleaned furniture and carpets, snuggled sick babies, and worked only in the few minutes I can each day.  And you know what?  I haven't been stressing.  In fact, I feel as though I've been more successful in my endeavors because I haven't pushed.  I haven't had time to overthink.  And I've been trusting the Lord so much more.  Trusting that He will lead me in the direction I need to be and not trying to do something beyond that.  Accepting that He has good things for me, even if they don't look like what I thought.

He has confirmed this to me in a couple ways over the last 24 hours.  First involved an incredible book I'm reading called Breaking Busy by Alli Worthington.  In my reading she talks about our God-given purpose and our need to be obedient to that purpose, knowing He can do so much more through us when we follow the plan He has.  The second was through an audio teaching by Priscilla Shirer. I have a devotional CD of hers that plays whenever I'm driving and in this particular message she talks about hearing a prize winning tomato farmer share how important pruning is to producing the largest, ripest fruit.  She goes on to talk about how sometimes we have to prune good things in order to grow better things.  It's funny because they also both point out various times in Scripture where Jesus Himself reminds the people why He came.  For example, after healing many people, the whole town came out to where Jesus was staying and attempted to keep Him there so He could continue to heal them.  This was His response:

But He said, I must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns also, because that is why I was sent."  - Luke 4:43

Both ladies pointed out that Jesus didn't just come to do the Father's Will, but that He did the Father's Will and nothing else.  It would have been good for Him to stay and heal them, but that's not what He was called to do.  Just as I am not called to work myself ragged in every area, trying to trudge my own path and force everything to work the way I want under my control.  I must work smarter, not harder.  For me, this means spending more time with the Lord, listening to His guidance, and being obedient even when I don't know how it will turn out.

I'd love to hear if God has given you a word or phrase for this new year.  Or perhaps He's in the midst of teaching you a new lesson.  I'd love to hear that too!

Change of Plans

Can I be real with you?  Like really, really real?  The last couple months have been rough.  Crazy work schedules, quick trips, crazy two year old behavior, a clingy, fussy baby, many nights of broken sleep, illnesses, doctor visits, prescriptions, missed events, and the list seems to go on.  After talking with a bunch of people I know that I'm not alone and, in the grand scheme of things, my difficulties have been exceptionally minor.  But that doesn't mean it hasn't been hard. 

This past weekend we had three Christmas parties to attend!  THREE!  One each night of the weekend.  While it was a bit overwhelming, especially since Lucas had to work this weekend, I was also really excited at the chance to get away from the house and celebrate the season with friends.  Cue Friday night's work party where the snow gave me the slight question of whether we should drive all the way in to the city to pick up our children's amazing aunt who would be watching them for us.  Lucas made it there and back without any difficulty and the night was a fun break from the normal.  We did lose power for a few hours overnight, but all in all things went surprisingly well.

Then came Saturday.  About halfway through the day I got a text from Lucas which included a picture of his near swollen shut eye with a note saying he would be headed to an urgent care as soon as he was off because he was pretty certain he had pink eye.  Without getting into ALL the crazy details, we missed our party.  One that we had all been so excited to attend.  Instead we wandered through Sam's Club, had Chic-fil-a drive thru, watched a short Christmas movie, and went off to bed trying not to admit just how upset we were.  The next morning we began to watch Caleb for pink eye thinking he would certainly get it.  That night we were to have another Christmas party with some wonderful friends and, again, we were all so excited (including the kids) until the possibility was raised that maybe we shouldn't go for fear of passing along pink eye.  I literally held back tears as we discussed the possibility.  I know it might seem silly, but after the crazy month we had experienced and the excitement over the party (not to mention all the cookies we had baked!) I just couldn't handle the thought of missing something else.  I'm pretty sure my words and attitude were simple, "I give up."

As I drove Ruth and I to church so the boys could stay home and not potentially share any germs, I felt so incredibly defeated. My opportunity for a fun-filled weekend was once again disappearing and I just wanted a break from it all.  During the last worship song that morning, my attitude was changed.  Not completely, not entirely, but my perspective was shifted as we sang these words:

By Your Spirit I will rise,

From the Ashes of Defeat.

The resurrected King is resurrecting me!

Your Name, Your Name is VICTORY!

It felt as though God was speaking directly to me in that moment.  I had a choice to make.  I could remain upset and disappointed, looking at our weekend and this day as a wasted opportunity for fun or I could find a way to make the best of what we had left of the day.  So I formulated a plan as I drove home to mix up a batch of gingerbread dough (despite the 6 batches of cookies already strewn about the kitchen) and we would put together a gingerbread house as a family that night instead of getting to go to the party.  I was still disappointed, but my new plan gave me something to look forward to and something different to get excited about.  Turns out we were able to attend the party and our gingerbread house waited until the following night to be constructed!

Very often I have a strict plan or schedule in my mind and I can get pretty excited about the things in store for us, but when plans fall apart I discover that I'm not as flexible as I'd like to think.  I freeze.  I keep thinking about what I'm missing instead of what God could be doing.  

Lord, help me to trust You when my plans fall through.  Cause me to look to You for the new plan.  To not get frustrated and disappointed, but to get excited about what You have in store for us.  Amen

Do you want to get well?

In continuing my reading in John, I found another verse that really stuck out to me.  Jesus is in Jerusalem and He walks past a pool of water where many disabled people used to sit in hopes of being healed by the waters when they are "stirred."  In this encounter Jesus meets a man who had been invalid for 38 years and asks what might seem like a silly question.  In John 5:6, Jesus asks the man, "Do you want to get well?"  I mean, really Jesus?  This man hasn't been able to provide for himself, sits in the city and begs, and now is waiting by some water every day waiting for the possibility of healing (we won't get into the fact that this man didn't recognize healing - Jesus - when it was right in front of him).  Wouldn't the answer seem obvious?  But wait.

When I was growing up I faced some difficult situations that resulted in an inability to relate to people from an emotionally healthy vantage.  I didn't know how to open up to people, struggled with what to share with others, and even dealt with flashbacks to certain experiences I had when I was younger.  Looking back I can see that I played the part of a victim.  That's what I knew and how I responded.  Then I went to college and started going to an amazing church where they spoke about freedom and peace.  God began to do a lot in me and I realized there were things He wanted to release me from.  But first I had to answer a question.  "Do you want to get well?"  Again, the answer seems obvious.  But what if I said yes?  What would that require of me?  What would change?  Who would I be if those experiences were no longer my identity?

We often say we want healing and freedom, but inside there can be fear of the unknown.  I knew the part I played as a young girl defined by her past.  I didn't know what it looked like to be free from that.  Fear of the unknown can keep us from saying yes to healing and freedom.  Fear of what will be required of us, the new expectations, can cripple us.  Will I be any good at anything else?  Will people like the "new" me?  At the root, however, is simply fear.  We must remember that God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7).  It can be hard to open ourselves up to healing, but when we do, God will meet us there and we will stand amazed at the other side wondering why we didn't trust Him sooner.

So the next time you read this passage and wonder why Jesus would ask such a seemingly obvious question, ask yourself if you want to be healed or set free from something.  Really dig into it.  The answer may surprise you.  Then you get this wonderful opportunity.  You get the chance to say, "Yes!"

Encourage One Another

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. - 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Over the past couple of weeks I have seen so many posts, articles, comments, etc. of moms very aggressively sharing their views on mothering.  While sharing these opinions in and of themselves is not wrong, the manner in which I have seen it is. I read verses like the one above and weep a little.  We are called to encourage one another and build each other up . . . but is that "just as in fact [we] are doing?"  When I read a post, especially one between Christian mothers, that leaves my stomach turning, not because of the advice or opinions, but because of the tone, words, and anger behind them, it hurts my heart.  I'm not the first to say all of this and I'm sure I won't be the last.  Being a mom is hard work!  We have so much to decide on - sleeping, eating, playtime, outdoor playing, screen time, music, education, even diapers for goodness sakes!  And each one of us will make those decisions.  We'll have opinions of why our choice is best and maybe are so convinced at how great our decision was that we want to share it with others.  No matter what decision we make, one thing is the same.  We want the best for our child.  We want them to feel loved, to succeed, to know the Lord, to see His work in our lives, to be healthy, to be encouraged . . . and the list goes on.

I don't know the perfect answer to all of these decisions for every mama in the world, but what I do know is this.  God gave me my son.  And He gave me to him.  I know him better than any other person on this planet.  I know my family better than any other person on this planet.  And God trusted me with them.  He gave me the ability to think and make decisions.  He taught me to trust Him and turn to Him when those decisions are hard.  He taught me to listen to Him and stand firm in obedience even when it didn't make sense to others (or even myself).  How God has led me to raise my children may not be the same as He led you, but know that it doesn't change my opinion of you and it will not change my support of you.  

Being a mama is hard, but you are doing a great job!  How do I know?  Because if you are following the Lord and calling on Him to help raise your child, you are making the best decisions (even the hard ones) and are leaning on the best Father there ever was or will be to give you wisdom.  He knows you and your child intimately, after all He formed your child in your womb (Psalm 139)!  He has plans for you and your child and His plans are good and are never thwarted (Jeremiah 29:11, Job 42:2).

My purpose in this post is to encourage mamas to remember how hard it is and rather than make those decisions harder for other mamas, encourage them.  Offer advice if it's asked for, but encourage whatever decision they make.  If you think they've made the wrong decision, pray that the Lord would lead them to a different decision, but ultimately trust that God will lead them in what is best for their child.  

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. - Hebrews 10:24-25

Reclaiming the Table

Where does your family have dinner on any given night?  If you're anything like us the answer is probably on the couch in front of the TV.  By the end of the day around here we often find ourselves tired and ready to just sit back and relax.  Of course, in our minds, this means on the couch with a good show on while our son plays.  Makes sense, right?  I thought so too.  And then we were offered a challenge.  Our church did a series entitled "The Table."  They pointed out all the different instances of meals being served and eaten together in Scripture.  So many times Jesus met with people over a meal.  Even His final night before being arrested was spent over a meal (The Last Supper/Communion) with His disciples.  The New Testament gives many examples of disciples breaking bread together.  Meals are a time to come together and connect, build relationship, talk, and grow together.  It's not just about the food.  They told us this statistic that really surprised me - 30 years ago the average dinner lasted 90 minutes, today it lasts 15.  We've lost something along the way.  We've grown too busy.  We've become so attached to electronics that we often don't even notice what is missing. It's relationship.  Real, true, honest, face-to-face relationship. 

So here was the challenge - eat at your dining room/kitchen table with your friends and/or family 3 nights out of the week . . . without electronic devices (that includes your phone)!  As intimidating as those piles of papers on the table were, we cleared everything off and gave it a shot. And guess what.  We had conversation.  We shared how our days were.  Our son got used to snacking on his little puffs as he listened to us talk . . . and tried to add his own thoughts.  We talked about our concerns for the future, our joys in the present, what made us smile that day, what frustrated us.  We connected.  And I loved it!  I felt so refreshed.  What I thought would be so draining gave me life! I was excited about our family, excited about the example this was giving our son.  Instead of 3 nights that week we've done it almost every night since.  There's something powerful about giving someone your full, undivided attention, even if it is only for 30 minutes over a meal. 

In our house we have reclaimed the table.  Can I challenge you to reclaim yours?  What is there to lose? Yes, you might miss a TV show, but think of what could be gained.  You can always find that episode online later, but today is only here for a short while.  Don't miss it.

Choices

Have you ever had a night where your sleep gets interrupted over and over?  If you're a mom I'm sure that answer is yes!  That was last night around this house.  My son is typically a GREAT sleeper.  He started sleeping through the night at eight weeks and only slept longer as he got older . . . until a few nights ago.  Apparently we've entered into something called the "four month sleep regression."  Basically, he stirs more often during the night and sometimes needs a little more encouragement (rocking typically) to get back to sleep.  We know this is a phase that we can help him maneuver through, but when your baby is screaming and crying at 4:30 in the morning you start to wonder if he'll ever sleep again!  Needless to say, we all got a little less sleep than we're used to last night.

Now to the very honest part, I am grumpy when I don't get enough sleep.  And, to be perfectly transparent, I am angry at whatever I feel like has robbed me of that sleep.  Follow that train of thought and I was not very pleased with my son.  As it came time to get him up for the day and I started towards his room I was stopped with a thought.  It doesn't have to be that way.  I have a choice.  I can either choose to be grumpy, focus on the lost sleep, stress out that my son has started a bad sleep habit OR I could recognize that today is a gift and take joy in it.  After all, I'll never get today back with him.  With this thought in mind I remembered how my mom describes my grandma waking them up in the mornings and took a page from her book.  As a wake up greeting and a reminder for mommy, I entered his room singing,

This is the day, this is the day that the Lord has made, that the Lord has made!  I will rejoice, I will rejoice and be glad in it! (Psalm 118:24)

It's not easy to make that decision, but I'm so glad I did.  So far our morning has been full of smiles, playtime, and my little one going down for a nap without any tears!  :)  I just may have to make that our every morning wake up!